* trapped in my own skin, !

[meh]

“I’m trying hard not to break-down in tears, and trying hard to fight the fears. Society hates me; I hate myself. I blame me.”

- - It was a humid night; unseasonably warm for the time of year. It was slowly drifting into the season of fall, the leaves tinted with the slightest colour at their tips. CJ’s breath was ragged, tears swelling up inside her chest. She didn’t have much time to stop and think about where she was going, but finally she got a hold on her wild emotions and dropped to her knees in a clearing.

Some days she felt like this – weak, tired, broken. She was trapped with the seams that she’d sewn shut, acting as though she were completely unaware of the world her parents were “hiding” from her. But CJ knew so much more than them – and it scared her. Being so weak, showing such innocence, expressing her emotions ... it was contradicting everything that she’d built up for herself. She had been sitting pretty so long on her little act of “Miss Independent”. She didn’t need anyone’s help. Yet here she was, broken down with tears, unable to push herself one step further. She feared that she would one day completely stop feeling all together.

She was tired of playing stupid, and acting like she didn’t see the evil in the world. But she did. Everywhere she went, she saw the potential dangers provided. Her eyes had been opened up to the whole masochistic world that lay beneath the smooth surface that had been provided. And it scared CJ. She didn’t admit it, but it scared her. CJ tried hard to break the surface of her tears, but as she tore her eyes from the ground to look around herself, she noticed a pond, the moon gleaming on the black curtain of rippling water.

CJ pushed a hand through her sweaty, tangled, curly hair and got to her feet. CJ hadn’t gotten two breaths before she heard a rustle in the bushes nearby. Her head whipped around, her eyes glazed over with tears. She felt lightheaded, and knew that she was still sobbing. “Who’s there?” CJ called out, her hands balled tightly into fists as though that might stop the person who was there.

But something inside CJ fluttered – fear, panic? – almost like a warning. She backed away, stumbling and falling back onto her rear. “Leave me alone ... or-or I’ll scream, I sware!” CJ’s voice wavered as if only to prove that she was only acting. That she was defenceless at that point in time. But still, her mind racing, she wondered if the killer – the one who had taken her sister’s life – had come for her. She wondered if it was supposed to be her that was to be killed the whole time.

Tag: Open
Notes/Thoughts: She’ll be pretty sad this whole thread. She won’t even try to fight back. She needs a shoulder to cry on ... literally! And maybe a hug! XD
Mood: I’m tired ... *headdesk*
Listening to... ---