It's not yet over....

[Alexandra Rose]

I'm still here....

I'm still alive....
My thoughts are still flying....
I won't be silent...
I won't be forgoten.

People think that just because you smile, get drunk, act like a slut, that your life is perfect. No one ever bothers to look beneath the shallow exterior. Why not? This person is still alive, still exists. Masks are masks. They are simply there to cover the expression and everything else that is hidden behind the painted exterior. Not everything is perfect. Not everyone can look at life as... as... as something dear, something precious. Something we don't have much of. I paint my lips cherry red and let my hair loose, throw on a tank top, and low jeans... It's enough to hide what's inside.

....I got back from the hospital a couple of days ago. God, how I hate that place. They nag, nag, nag... never stoping, never ending. Their sympathy, their pity. I hate it. How I want them to shut up. Stop... end... Silent... I don't want to see them, I don't want to hear them... Why won't they give up? It's irreversable. Nothing can be done. What's to come will do so, no matter if they preach or not. The cure has not been found. It's over. It's over.... why won't they give up?

I got drunk. It seems to be the only thing that's capable of keeping me going. When you're drunk, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. There's only the fun.... Only the blisfull forgetfullness and the sweet oblivion... Too bad it didn't last. There is this Carson kid in the chat....

I simply marvel.... Is he that supid? Is he that high and mighty? Does he fucking think that his life is the worst, and no one is even worth breathing his air?! Who does he think he is?! He thinks that only he has the worst life possible, and everyone elses is a mare walk in the God damn park. Well, you know what?! Everyone has their own shit to deal with. He's not the only one. God... I would preffer his live over mine, no matter how shitty it is. .... At least it still going. But, that's just bullshit! Mr. Napolion! Sorry to break it to ya, sweet heart, but life doesn't revolve around you! Yea... I said it. And you know what? Just cuz everyone else is holding back for no damn reason, I won't. I've got nothing to loose! I'll be dead in another 5 years... Maybe 10! SO, why hold back? It's not like I'll regret anything... See ya in Hell my love! I'll be fuckin waiting.

Life doesn't revolve around Mr. Carson, who thinks that he's all that. No. Life goes on. Thinking that you're the one in the deepest shit, and that no one is even worth your pressious glance... that's just fucking insane. Behaiving like that only proves that you are a shit-faced dick, and a total ass-hole, who has a fucking telephone pole up his ass. God.... He's not the only fucking one who has to deal with shit every day. He's not the only, God Damn Person on this Fucking Hell Forgoten Planet who has to deal with fucking things every day.

Try... Simply imagine living your life, knowing that you can die tomorrow. Imagine living your life.... with the knowledge that you will die... and be forgoten. You'll no longer exist. Your body will be food for the worms as you decompose. Imagine dying in pain, suffering, tourchure... unbarible tourchure... Wouldn't be so high and mighty would you? So, you know what? Shut the fuck up, shove your ass-hole, dick-face coments down your fucking throat and get over it. At least you are not dying any time soon.