This'll get me no where

[meh]

PRIVATE

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No peeking!

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I can see a mid-life crisis somewhere in my future. I am an eighteen year old, self-proclaimed writer who is currently going to counselling, and has been prescribed anti-depressents due to the fact that I am 'metally ill'. Yes, how did this come to be? Probably the fact that Callie fell in love, and got killed. I don't care how many years ago it was -- its tragic! Gosh I'm glad that I'm not psycho -- then again, I may as well be with the way mum and dad are looking at me.

It all started in the cbox a little while ago ... I'm not sure how long again. But some rude jerk who calls himself Carson had managed to annoy me straight from the start. And then from there he just managed to annoy me even more! And the fact that he's so mean to his twin just bugs me. It's almost painful. It's like he's taking him for granted. Well, I thought that Callie would always be there, but she isn't anymore, now is she?

Now, I happened to see Carson in the library the one day, and I believe I'd promise that I'd kick him if I ever met him. so I kicked him -- in the balls ... And there were witnesses. I think one of the nerds there told someone, because I was left alone for a while (until about of week ago) when the school called my home, and suggested I was enrolled into anger management. Anger management! I'm not an aggressive person, well, maybe I am. More stubborn and bitchy that aggressive ... but ...

Just yesterday was my first counselling appointment. I had to pretend like I didn't remember my sister's death (that's what my parents probably told him). When he asked why I was so angry, I simply said because I was always left in the dark, and no one seemed to have an regard for how I felt. A great act, no? But apparently he took this aggressive behavior as a way of dealing with my saddness. So he talked to someone, and now I'm supposed to start taking anti-depressants!

I haven't yet, no worries. But the fact that I'm supposed to see a councillor doesn't help any. I feel so hopeless sometimes ... and everyone that I've met -- on-line and off-line -- seem to hate me. This one guy I met at a party, who Asswipe (Carson) calls 'Bible Ben' seems to have a lot of faith ... Maybe I should talkt to him?

I haven't prayed a lot, and maybe the Lord is punishing me for not doing so? I'm not sure, but whatever the case, I'd like to have a bit more faith ... I need someone at least who understands me -- even if I've never met him ...

Hm, mum has just called, asking me home for the weekend. Well, I probably should.

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